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MUST READ THIS!!!Disorder in the American Courts

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and
are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down
and now published by court reporters that had the torment of
staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.



____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?


WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
___________________________________________




ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________




ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

___________________________________________



ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?


_________________________________________





ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?


WITNESS: Getting laid
__________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?


WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS : Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I

get a new attorney ?
____________________________________________





ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death

ATTORNEY: By whose death?

WITNESS: Take a guess.


____________________________________________





ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?


WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male


_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?


WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________



ATTORNEY:Doctor,how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?




WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

_________________________________________


ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral,OK? What school did you go to?


WITNESS: Oral.



_________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.


ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.



____________________________________________





ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________



And the best for last:



ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
for a pulse?

WITNESS: NO.

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?


WITNESS: No.



ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?



WITNESS: No.



ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
you began the autopsy?



WITNESS: No.



ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?



WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.



ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,

nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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